Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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