I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
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