the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
