Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
