Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
