Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
