I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
