And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
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Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
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A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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