i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
