guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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