even my farts smell like vagina
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
