I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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