this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
