we have officially lost it.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
