You smell like a Billy Joel song
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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