I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
