Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
