Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
