dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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