you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
