I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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