last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
