im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize