Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
