I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
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