I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
