I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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