i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
