the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
