he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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