nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
