I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
pop tarts are not kleenex
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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