So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Holy shit dude........stairs
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
