a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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