This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
