So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
