This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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