everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
