This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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