It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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