Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
