Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
