You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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