super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
