It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
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We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
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We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
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