you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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