and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
