Only a mothe r could love this liver
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
