i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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