ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
