I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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