I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm like, not good at living.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
