no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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