just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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