She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
