And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
