I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
