Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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