She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
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I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
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Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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