Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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