"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Im part way to drunk.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
