i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
