Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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