Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
