And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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