I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
