Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
