Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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