he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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