I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
