dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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