PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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